Juicers- The New Snotty Elite

How did drinking juice become The Thing to do? How did this healthy habit become a club of snobby elitist Food Nazis?

A guy came through my check out line the other day, with enough produce to supply the entire herbivore section of a city zoo. Either that, or he was a restaurant owner whose shipment of fresh veggies didn’t make it on time.

So…I asked. “Oh,  I juice“, his voice dripped with ambrosia and pious reverence for both juice and himself. “Ah, I see. Cool, cool. ” I always think of Lance Armstrong at times like these.

I like to make smoothies with kale, veggies, fruit, yogurt and protein powder, so I thought I could relate. “So good for you, isn’t it? I love to use kale and spinach in my…” “Oh, good , yes, me too,” he oozed. Then came a rant, really, about the virtues of adding lemon juice to the mix, to really pull out the microscopic micro nutrients from each and every cell, and the breakdown of the plant’s cellular walls, and so on. While he waxed on, I bagged all his dirty, wet produce and was ready to take payment for the elephant salad. He kept talking the entire time while slowly extending the cash in my direction. I smiled and nodded and “uh-huh’ed” my way through it all.

Finally, he did it. He asked me which elite Juicer I owned.  “Well, actually, I just got a Ninja. Works great!” The expression on his face turned from we-in-the-club bliss to disgusted confusion. “Yeah, I make smoothies.” ‘Oh..” he muttered, clearly miffed for being taken in by a NON-juicer, a mere Smoothier- obviously of less status, class, and education. I almost laughed out loud at the look on his face. It was priceless.

So, let me just say this to anyone and everyone out there who have decided that your way of life is SO amazing, so enlightened, so IT, that you have somehow been elevated above mere mortal trash; (the non-juicers, non-vegans, gluten eaters, etc.) unless and until your excrement fails to stink, please come back to Earth- and have a smoothie 🙂