I thought Chinese Food would be Innocent, but…I KNEW the Rocher was not.

So we were all starved. I ordered the Kung Pao Beef. I asked if there was any sugar in it. “No”, came the emphatic reply. In addition to being spicy, though, this dish tasted somewhat sweet. I realized that the sauce was probably laden with corn syrup/starch. I was hungry, though. I didn’t eat any rice, and I picked at my food guiltily. I am still anguished over it.  So, for dessert, I dared to eat ONE chocolate for five sugary grams of delicious carbohydrate. I guess I had to gild the lily. It was the first intentional bite of sugar I have eaten in six weeks. I am convinced I will be six pounds heavier tomorrow morning.

And, speaking of tomorrow, I am right back at the strict, self imposed torture of eating right in the morning, and mainly forever. But my weight is still fluctuating. I lose two after exercise, I gain three a couple of days later for no known reason. This is more torture than the low-carb itself. The lack of lasting results. I guess I can only keep Dance Party 3-ing and staying in induction …forever.

The worst part of all is seeing my normal weight companions enjoying themselves and eating what they want, and thinking I am basically wasting my time. They all subscribe to the eat- what- you- want- within moderation, and- exercise- it off- club. I decided to ditch carbs and ditch a quick ten pounds. It’s not actually working for me. I still believe in it, but I don’t understand why am I not just dropping all kinds of weight.

I am a bit discouraged. I have never been so great at exercising regularly. I guess that’s just what I have to do, though. Where are all the encouraging Atkin’s responses when I need them?

 

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The Secret Language of Cats- Pawing mirrors and Dog Water. Response Request.

Another Day of Trying to Talk to the Humans. I wanted water, not food!!

“”Hey, how cute! What’s the kitty doing there, pawing the mirror?, I asked my husband. “Oh, that’s just Spicy. She’s been doing that forever. I don’t know why. Just being a funny cat, I guess”.

That’s what I thought. For years I believed it was just a strange mirror fetish. Today, though, I have a new theory. If I am right, we humans are even more clueless than I thought.  Imagine trying to communicate with humans, who are usually always on auto-pilot headed to the shower, the coffee pot, the laundry room, back to the television, etc., and you are a cat. You can’t do much more than meow. Your paw signals have failed to impress the people- they think you are having a seizure. Your meows get your food bowl filled, and if you do a little dance around the litter box and meow simultaneously, the humans might understand that it’s high time that mess got emptied. More than likely though, the humans will simply say , “What?! The box is right there! Use it, dumb cat, geesh.”

You see the difficulty in communicating with people , then, being a cat.

Today was another mirror pawing morning. Spice, the 28 lb. calico, is at it again. She paws the closet doors, which are completely mirrored, and this wakes me up because the doors are hanging and she’s making them rattle. So much for sleeping in. When I look at her, or her sister Sugar, they both dash off in the direction of the laundry room to let me know they are hungry, because that’s where the food is stored. So I understand, and comply. Spice-girl is not seeming interested in the food, though. She wanders about for some time, and then finally comes out to the living room where the dog water is. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but cats really hate drinking out of the disgustingly slobbery, dog-stinky water bowl. They will avoid it at all costs. But I guess I’d neglected to fill the cat water bowl, so Spice was desperate enough to drink from it.

This may be the most ridiculous theory ever, or cats are really quite smart- smarter than I thought. Could the mirror pawing – or glass pawing have anything to do with both water and glass having reflective properties and – not being able to speak – this is her way of telling me she wants water?

What do you think? Crazy? Or, just maybe on to something here?

Finding Bigfoot, Fried Cheese, and Hillbilly Handfishing

Well, there's the proof. What's all the fuss about?

Ok, you guys with the Bigfoot research. In any other world, there are several ways to track anyone or any living thing. First of all, after honing in on the general area of the potential location of your bigfoot, raccoon, deer, or person, it is customary to bring in the tracking dogs. No? You say, that won’t work? Why the heck not? Can a Basset Hound not track any living thing? You might argue that the dog doesn’t know what it’s looking for. So, ok. Let’s think of another method. Set up remote, motion activated cameras in areas of probable sightings. (infrared night vision, naturally) The animal would not be afraid to tread in your area if you’re not there. No, you might argue. The animal would ‘sense’ something was hinky. Fine. Let’s look at forensic science. You searchers have been molding footprints of “Sasquatch” for years, but did you ever think to look for feces, HAIR samples, and ground disturbances that would show activity? Speaking of footprints, they show up very nicely by any drinking hole or the bank of a river.

Here’s another clue- there are professional trackers that do a pretty good job of finding people and animals. Oh, and guess what else? Where, where, where are the bones? Oh, wait- this is good news. They brought in real Native American trackers. That’s what I am talking about!

So, between a great night alone with Bigfoot, and Hillbilly Handfishing, I decided to whip up some fried cheese. It makes a yummy ‘chip’ for salsa and sour cream, all low-carb. The problem with it was that it is almost too intense, too salty, and too filling when fried. It also stinks up the house like burnt rennet. I didn’t eat too much, but it was still too much, if you catch me.

Hillbilly Handfishing. I think it’s ridiculous. Wading around in muddy, snake-infested water to let a huge catfish grab ahold of my arm and hand? Is this my idea of a good time? Nah. Now, let me say that if I were stranded in the woods and my survival was at stake, I would be happy to let a fish halfway eat my arm, because I would completely eat it later.  All I can say is I grew up in the south, and it would take a lot of desperation to even get me into any water ever again that is basically a haven for all things dangerous and disgusting. You’ve got your water moccasins, depending on location, you’ve got rattlers in the woods on the way down to the water, and possibly coral snakes hiding in the rock crevices you might climb about or around. You quite possibly could have alligators in the water, and most assuredly snapping turtles who really like toes. Then there’s leeches. Enough. I have not focused on low-carb enough in this post.

My weight is hanging at 135 again today, and I am pleased. I will continue to move forward.

As to the meatloaf question, I am thinking of trying the low-carb baking mix as a thickener. I don’t think almond flour is the ticket with the meatloaf. The eggs were not enough without something to thicken the loaf. I need to find a good thickener that is carb-free, or nearly so. I wonder about arrowroot. Isn’t it tasteless? I might try that soon and report to everyone how that turned out.

Atkin’s Induction Day 9 dawns.

I told myself I wouldn’t do it. I told this blog I wouldn’t do it, but I did! No, I did not get up in the middle of the night and inhale a box of Oreos. I weighed myself. No change. I haven’t gained, I haven’t lost. Well, I take that back. I am still about two pounds lighter than I was when I started this, but I guess I had envisioned this magical eight or ten pound loss by now. Again, I think I just need to wait, keep at it, and tighten down the screws. I am just getting so tired of salad, green beans, and meat. I am still not tired of eggs and bacon, but I am getting there. I keep stressing over the possible Splenda carbs or that I may have had too much coffee/diet pop, but really – otherwise, I think I am being strict with myself and faithful to the plan.

I am still waiting for my Atkin’s book to arrive. Maybe today will be the day. I am not looking forward to more salad right now. I had a daybreak bar. I am neither hungry nor thirsty right now, and I am actually just feeling really sleepy. I will check in later, after my day. Meanwhile I need to figure out something a little more interesting to eat that still fits into the induction plan of doing things.  Anyone have a good low-carb recipe site?

If you think your Tire is Falling off…( A.K.A. I love me some Les Schwab)

So, I’m driving home tonight, “la de da”( I am singing, because I don’t have my stereo installed yet. ) and my left front tire makes this strange noise. OK, whatever. “La-de- dee, la-da-da-…, what the F@*#?” There it is. A rumble? A wobble? A definite wumble. My seriously suspicious- and rarely accurate- paranoid little voice whispers to my conscious, “Ya know what? Sounds like the damn tire is falling off, that’s what it sounds like!”  “No”, my ‘it- couldn’t- be- that- serious- you- are- overreacting- AGAIN”, little voice counters. This banter goes on for a bit and then the sound gets louder, and the suspicious voice smirks. OK, I pull over. I figure it’s a slowly leaking tire, because everyone knows that tires don’t just fall off…

It’s not going flat. I get back in and keep going. I have to pick up my mother in law who’s patiently waiting for me at the bowling alley. I keep the speed on the cautious side. Doesn’t seem too bad. I speed up to fifty. Bad idea. The noise is now accompanied by a most definite little shimmy shake that I find disturbing. I slow, and put on my hazards, then fumble around for thirty seconds trying to turn off the dome light that I managed to find to help me see the location of the hazard lights. Yeah. Anyway, I  decide I will investigate this entire phenomenon at the Deer Island store. There is light, safety from the highway, and of course- I call Captain Amazing, my husband, because he knows what is UP about cars and all other mechanical contrivances.

Captain Amazing: “OK, well pull of the highway.” Me” Yes, I am pulling into Deer Island store in just a few minutes”. Capt.” “What kind of noise is the car making?” Me: “Well, you know- the left tire started with this low rumble, then it kind of escalated into this wuddle, wuddle, wuddle, wobble- wuddle thing. Thought it was a flat, but that’s not it.” “Well, take a good look at it in the light- or when you pick up Mom, get her to look at it for you.” Me: Thinking to self only: Wow, he thinks I can’t even see if a tire is flat and that I need his mom to determine this for me. Funny… Me, aloud: Nah, I am here now. I’m going to get out and check this.” Captain: “OK, which tire is it again?” Me: Ignoring the huge urge to be sarcastic. “Uh, the left front. Hey, why is the hubcap cracked?” “Oh, don’t worry about that. I cracked it when I took it off to check the lug pattern to see if the new tires and wheels would work. ” Me; thinking to self...could this be a clue? Me, aloud: “So, you took off this tire??” “No, I didn’t. I never touched it. ” “Ok. well…” Captain AMAZING: “Go ahead and just pull it off and take a look at the lugs.” I didn’t know I could just yank it without a tool, so this really was good advice. I pulled it off and lo and behold, THREE out of five of my lug nuts were loose enough to easily turn in my hand!

First, I don’t know whether I was feeling a little bit good that I was actually right about something- but the paranoid little voice was rejoicing, practically jumping for joy and gloating like a maniac. Then I just got mad. The only people who had actually removed that tire was Les Schwab, when they did absolutely the minimum possible of an alignment last week. My steering wheel sits at one o’ clock when I am going absolutely straight, and the car still pulls to the right- but I was assured– once they had my money- that they did the best they could with these old tires of mine, and all. (after all, and by the way, we can get you some nice tires on there for only $240). Never mind the idea that maybe they could have explained to me prior to doing any work that there would not be much improvement in the alignment that I would notice until new tires were put on.  But, is that even true? That was bad enough, but now they have endangered my safety and maybe that of others but forgetting to tighten my lug nuts?? I am PISSED, livid, beyond the pale, angered, hurt, annoyed, and infuriated. That’s just a partial list. All this anger really helped me to get my tire iron out and go to town on those lug nuts. I jumped down on the tire iron to make sure they were good and as tight as I could get them. I really want Captain Amazing to use his pneumatic tool on them all tomorrow just to be sure I don’t go tripod-ing around the town anytime soon. And Les Schwab, I AM coming after you, Mister. You just wait and see.

Day 8 of Atkin’s Induction, and other things.

So, I got up, on this day 8 of Atkin’s, which also happened to be day ONE of some other (monthly) event, and I wondered if maybe I was hemorrhaging slightly. This was an epic start to the day. Never seen so much red in all my life. Is this a side effect of extra protein and iron? OK, I don’t mean to disgust anyone, and I do apologize. That’s just how it was. So into the shower because I had no more snow as an excuse to stay home. The power went off while I was in the shower. I inserted my contacts by candle light, and I am quite sure my makeup looked absolutely stellar. Sheets and mattress pads cannot be washed without power, either. (Ever since I tossed out the old washboard, anyway)

I have heard that ketosis makes your breath ‘fruity.’ It was more like the smell of leftover upchuck. That was after I brushed my teeth, tongue, gums, roof of my mouth and as much tonsil as I could bear. You’ve got to be kidding me! So, the usual coffee, an Atkin’s shake, and good to go. I think the Godzilla breath was under control- although later that morning a coworker went out of his way to just give me gum. What a random act of kindness that was…

Work went well. I felt great all morning long. At break, I had a small amount of mixed nuts and a sugar free energy drink. I was hoping this would not ‘stall’ my progress, but I am not really sure yet. Then, I was satisfied until lunch time. I had a spinach and bell pepper salad with roast beef and cheese on top, with jalapeno ranch. If you haven’t tried that yet, it is absolutely delightful dressing! And it made the ‘usual salad with ranch’ a whole lot more exciting.

On my next break, I had an induction-approved bar, and it was yummy. I decided I must have real whipped cream and sugar free jello in the house, so I bought that, along with some whipped cream cheese. I ate a few spoons of that after I arrived home, in between adding it to my egg and veggie scramble dinner. There was no challenge tonight to please the palates and tastes of myself and/or everyone. I was the only one home.

As much as I have explained how Atkin’s works to my sweetie, he doesn’t understand that I can’t have a PINCH of sugar or SMIDGE of flour right now. A” Chocolate Rocket” is not OK.  Breaded buffalo wings- no. Spaghetti meat sauce- NAY! They all have sugar in them in some way, shape or form, and I realized how much I have learned about foods at their most basic level, and I am proud of that. I know , more and more inherently, what foods are made up of, and which foods may seem OK but just don’t work for Atkins induction.  “A carrot is a vegetable. Why can’t you have that?” It has sugars in it. “But it can’t be much, I mean- c’mon” Sorry, too much. “Well, I see you eat tomatoes, and those are actually fruits!” Yep. I know. But not too many of these, either. Carrots have more. “Oh. Well, OK . I don’t get it.” I know. And I also know that really- red bell pepper is probably NOT OK, but I have eaten it on my salads, sometimes in lieu of tomatoes, because I dearly love them, and I wonder if these little slips are going to ruin this.

So, after dinner, I did have that sugar free jello and whipped cream. I COULD taste the small amount of sugar in that whip cream, though. I wondered how that was OK but more than 2 cups of coffee with cream and Splenda might not be as OK. Sometimes I still get confused.

I am now holding off on weighing myself. This is the wrong week for that . The journey continues!