The Evil Plot to Persuade You that Calories Are All That Matter

The Evil Plot to Persuade You that Calories Are All That Matter.

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Yes, I am a porn star in bed

OK, I admit it. I love sex with my husband! I absolutely crave it, adore it AND him, and it is absolutely hot. I am 43 years old, probably nearing the end of my peak. In my early 20’s, and thirties, a whole decade, sex was not my forte`. Yes, I was and still am skilled beyond most mere mortals, (hehehe) but I really couldn’t care. I had children, laundry, a job, etc. I also had a husband who I was not turned on by. Sorry, not his fault, just a reality. Fast forward to a loving, sensual, teasy, sexy husband whose every move gets me going, and it’s a different story now. Also, he’s just so choir-boy innocent on the outside, but hot and naughty on the inside, and that just gets me all fired up!! So, when I hear women who have been married to the same wonderful guy for over ten years yawning about sex, or Victoria’s Secret, or whatever, I just laugh. I will tell you now what I have learned. I am sorry if I offend any of the more restrained and religious types, but just remember this- the marriage bed is undefiled. Just to set the record straight, I have been defiled on more than one occasion, and I am not proud of it, but that was then, and this is now.

1) You don’t need to give your man the third degree about porn. They process this stuff differently than we do. They don’t see a hot woman, and think, “Wow, I wish my wife were that attractive…”, if anything, they wish you were that INTO THEM. That’s right! It’s not the body image, though, to be real, that does count, but it’s MORE in the way the women WANT the guys they are with. Let me just tell you now, that if you’re hard to get and your husband has to practically beg for sex, something in the relationship is probably wrong. THAT is what needs to be addressed. Don’t use withholding of affection as some kind of tool to get him to SEE what the problem is. He won’t . Your man loves you, that’s why he popped the question. When it comes to bedroom time, leave all the problems behind, and lose yourself in him, in his arms, his love. If you can’t, it’s time to come clean and have that talk.

2) Watch it with him! It may be a bit embarrassing, it might even make you squirm. I don’t know about you, but knowing that my husband is getting excited gets ME excited. Maybe it’s just the thing to get you to try something new, something adventurous. You know all those romance novel fantasies you’ve been secretly harboring? (romance novel = lady porn, admit it!) Well, get over the false pride and tell him about it!   Chances are, he will do it. Show him what YOU can do, and he will most likely follow suit.

3) Somehow, ladies, the wild, hot woman he seduced became a prude once the I-do’s were said. But, why? Are you trying to show him that growing up means growing old and then dying, like, right now? Again, the marriage bed is undefiled, and unless you have issues in your relationship, and are trying to use sex as a power tool, this should be the time to let go, and show some passion! You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

4) “He doesn’t care how I feel and never tries to please ME. It’s all about the almighty penis!” OK, I understand this. You have an insensitive clod who doesn’t try to please you. Have you really talked to him? Again, is this just a symptom of other underlying problems? Assuming all other areas in the relationship are ok, and talking has not caused a change, I recommend getting him red hot, then leave him hanging while you show him how YOU like to please YOURSELF while he watches. That will not only drive him wild, but he might even get a lesson. Be BOLD. Show him what you like. Guys are VERY visual.

5) Don’t become a prude and freak out if he even looks at the Adult store sign! Drag him in and be embarrassed- but look at toys. Tell him what you would love for him to do to YOU with one of them. It will be a better night, I assure you!

6) Be 100% real and TELL him your fantasies, no matter how bizarre you think they are. It will probably give him wood.

7) TOUCH. You’re tired? So’s he. You’re not ‘into’ it? Touch him anyway. Intimacy is not just sex, but once you start touching the one you love, let things take their natural course, whether to sleep, or to more.

8) You’re not comfortable with your body? Chances are, after 10+years, neither is your guy. Guys have days THEY feel bloated, too. Maybe he is, doesn’t matter, guys are more confident than we are. Truth be told, unless your man is an ASS, he loves your body, every bit of you. Take advantage of that fact, and be BOLD in bed. Be teasing, be sensual, be hot, and don’t second guess yourself. Don’t worry about your breath, your hair, whether you shaved recently enough. Just forget all of that, and get naughty!

You’re welcome. Class dismissed!

125 and still Alive!

Somehow 125 has become the new normal weight for me. So, tallying it all up, now. I began on Jan. 11, on Induction. I stayed there for at least three months, and was annoyed at the slow progress. Suddenly the weight started to drop- in the retroactive way that Atkin’s seems to work. My starting weight was 140-142, depending on the day or date. So, I have lost about 17 pounds. I was hanging at 130 for quite a while, but adding working out seems to have kicked off those last five pounds. It has been almost 2 weeks since I worked out at the gym due to camping, work, and my banged up, bruised body. I feel ready to go back, now though. I had a minor bike wreck while camping, and gouged a small canyon out of my knee. I am still hoping for some skin closure on that, but it flexes fine and I should be good for a nice one hour elliptical workout today, if I just drag my sorry carcass into the gym. 

I know it sounds like a Facebook brag, but it’s really not. I have just refused to compromise, with the exception of the ‘one bite’ of whatever treat my daughter pokes in my face. That doesn’t seem to matter, and has not caused me to have a mass sugar attack, as I thought it would. I eat a lot of the Atkin’s bars, speed and ease being the primary reasons. Besides, they fill me up pretty well. It takes me time to prepare a big, meaty salad with all the veggies, and I don’t usually give myself enough time before work to prepare those. On my days off, I get much more organic with my meals. I’m off today. It’s 8:00 a.m., and I have already had 1 1/2 bars, and coffee with Splenda and Whipped cream. Yes, I still like the taste of sweet, it’s true. Oh, so my customer at work recommended this Kale green drink. She’s says it’s a boon for cancer patients, many of whom practically live on the green drinks. I don’t have cancer, but prevention is a good thing. She said to use protein powder and a sweeter fruit in the mix- like a frozen banana or carrots, etc., and said I would not taste any of the bitter green-ness of the kale. Sounds great. I already know I like the Odwalla Green Machine drink (? not sure I got the name right) but it is FULL of sugar. I mean, like 45 grams of it per the serving. Not doing that, but I appreciate how GREAT I felt after I drank those in the past, so I would love to duplicate all those great vitamins, fiber, minerals, and green goodness into a more low-carb friendly meal/drink. I will use 1/2 a frozen banana, 1 scoop of 3 gram carb vanilla whey protein powder, a good cup or 1 1/2 of the kale, a few random baby carrots, and maybe a few spinach leaves. Maybe. I will let you all know how that turns out, and will tweak the recipe if needed until I can say “Eureka! This is IT !”. 

Like Nike

I read about many of my fellow weight loss bloggers who seem to know exactly how to achieve success- those who have discovered all the tricks and tools, but who are still struggling. Let me submit that there is not another trick, method, or plan that you need.

You only lack one thing- doing it- and doing it consistently. Don’t be surprised if you’re not seeing results if your efforts are inconsistent. I’m not saying give up if today was pizza and ice cream day- no, but keep pressing forward toward the goal. Set your mind that TODAY, I will be master of my own body. THIS moment, I will NOT let stress or fatigue be an excuse to pig out! Imagine that someone promises you a cool million dollars if you eat right and exercise 3 days a week for a year. You will be monitored for honesty/ adherence . I bet 90% of us would have roaring success. So, nobody is going to hand us that cool million, but how much is your healthy heart worth? Being active with and for your family? Having more stamina and endurance at work and play? How valuable is the feeling of triumph over failure? How good does it feel to not have to buy 46-54 inch waist pants or have to buy 2-4x size specialty garments? Think about the value of these things that money could not buy you- pride, rising to a challenge, being able to hold your head higher, being able to take it or leave it when it comes to junk food, but mostly leave it- because you’re no longer a slave to your own addictions. So be Like Nike. Just do it and stop sniveling.

When your Husband gets free Olympic Trial Tickets Handed to him in a Parking Lot…

What a lucky guy! Or maybe he just has really good Karma. I can accept that. My sweetie went out with my stepdaughter to the Y to do some running today, and while in a grocery store parking lot, a random stranger approached and noted that my husband was an obvious Duck fan. He sports all the regular fan gear- big O in the back window of his Duck yellow Mazda Protege, Green and Yellow Duck sweatshirt, etc. So the guy says he can’t make it to the track and field Olympic trials going on at the U of O  today, and offers my husband and daughter absolutely free tickets! Amazing, right? And awesome! My husband and his daughter just took first and third place in a  5k last night, and of course are huge track and field fans. My husband set a record in high school for high jump and is a coach for his daughter and son’s teams right now! Just perfect. So, they are no doubt having a great time and taking lots of pictures. 

I took my stepson to a movie and we ate dinner. Brave was a great flick, I must say. Tonight is just a quiet night with Disney TV and the farting dog. I might have her beat on that one tonight, actually. But I am off of work, with lots of time for devoting to some quality blogging time. 

News of the Week. Can we not do Better?

The news. First of all, the networks keep rehashing the same stories, stringing them out over a week’s time, with just enough change to the preview blurb to make you think there may be new developments in what you’ve already heard. But, despite their attempt at jazzing it up, it’s the same story.

Facebook’s IPO fail. Why was I never surprised by the story?  Nobody can make real money without the exchange of real goods, or a least a really great concept, that in some way makes money. Facebook ads don’t really get looked at. I have personal proof of that. What, exactly, is generating real income for Facebook? The deceptive practices lawsuit is not surprising either. What if investors actually relied on common sense, as they seem to have so much of?

The triple murder/suicides. I don’t know about your part of the country, but here in the Great NW, the crime of the decade is to apparently do off your entire family, set the house on fire, and then shoot yourself, too. I don’t know why people keep repeating this theme…maybe they’ve been conditioned by the constant news stories of the same that this is an option for them should things go awry. This is all very wicked, disgusting, evil, and nauseating. But, I have had enough of hearing about it, being drenched in the collective blood of it. There’s nothing I can do, nothing I could have done, to stop it.

The Secret Service and their various dalliances. Shocking? No. Only surprise is that anyone is surprised; as if the government has ever held itself to the high standards of decent society. Ridiculous. Then the lady rep., what’s her name, saying, “I’m sure this isn’t the first time”. Really? And you find this whole sordid affair a surprise, too? Not buying it. You probably have plenty of skeletons in a closet of your own.

Oh! THIS JUST IN! The actor on Big Bang Theory, Jim Parsons, is gay. Wow. OK, why is this not a stretch of the imagination for me? He’s cute, he’s funny as hell, and I like his work. I don’t care what his orientation is- and why do we have to get all ruffled and excited about it? Why the shock and awe? He PLAYS a gay character already, and yes, while it is true he is an ACTOR, he’s just too good, OK? Let’s move on.

Gas prices are up, and people will be driving more than ever, especially here in the northwest, over the Memorial Day Weekend. Really? Says who? Someone must have done a poll of motels and hotels and campsites, as well as Aunt Janice’s and Grandpa Tom’s, to find this information. Or was it the man on the street poll, where if you ask ten people if they’re traveling over the holiday weekend, and five say  “yes” or “probably”, then we have clear scientific data. I’ll give you all a clue. SOME of us have to WORK taking CARE of everyone else who actually has plans and a life this weekend. You need charcoal briquettes, Lil’ Smokies and a refill on your Viagra? Who’s going to do that for you? Yes, all of us retail workers. Going out to eat? Thank your cooks and wait staff. There’s at least HALF the population whose travel is the commute to work all weekend long. And I really pity the guys who pump gas. We still have that in Oregon. They get to hear complaints and whining all day long. They should be paid for their therapy work.

Mitt Romney. If I hear one more sound bite from his cheesy head I am going to puke. I am not voting for your fake ass, Mitt.  Or is it Mit? I don’t really care. I don’t want to see him now, I don’t want to see him for the next four years after November, either. So please, people. See through his shtick and don’t vote for him.

The rocket taking Scotty’s ashes to space. (Star Trek Scotty) That’s actually pretty cool. I can respect that. Makes me smile, truly. What I’d like to see is being able to have our ash urns dropped off on the moon, so you could be looking up at the night sky with your kid, and tell them, “See the moon? Well, that’s where grandpa is. So every time you look at the moon, you’re looking at grandpa, too, and he’s not so far away after all, is he?” But that would mean that someone would have to buy rights to the moon, and you’d have to BUY a moon plot. All very stupid, crass, and the worst example of imperialist capitalism ever. It would also mean answering interesting, unanswerable questions from the kids… Still, I like the concept.

And, Finally.. the toddler in the washer story. How stupid are people, really? Apparently, very, very stupid. I am glad that beautiful child is OK, and I really hope that other people might learn the valuable lesson that putting a CHILD into a WASHING MACHINE is not funny and NOT a good idea! OMG

So, what do you say about the news this week?