You might not want to talk about it. I mean, kind of embarrassing. Now, the world will know how messed up you were, that you could have been involved with a man twice your age. You might have to come to terms with the fact that you were so numb that you didn’t even recognize that you were a victim, as well.
Because, what kind of 30-year-old man moves a sixteen-year old into his mom’s house to shack-up? What sort of foolish girl would move in with him?
I did. During the lowest period of my lost years, I followed after anyone who gave even a glimmer of hope that I was wanted. I guess it didn’t matter to me what I was wanted for, exactly. It took me three years of living with this guy before I woke up and grew up enough to escape.
Many years later, just on a whim, I decided to see what he was up to, and his mug shot immediately popped up online with all his arrest records. It was pretty sickening. Even into his late fifties, he was trying to seduce teen girls, in his slimy little way.
Until that moment, I simply blamed myself for being with him. It was my choice, and while a very stupid one, it hadn’t really dawned on me what a sleazy scumbag he was. It hadn’t occurred to me that this person took total advantage of my broken soul for his own amusement and use. And I let it happen.
The whole thing leaves an aftertaste of bile on my lips. I thank God for rescuing me from that life, and that place. It’s a wonder I survived. But God has a way of taking the ugly parts of our lives and transforming us through those things into people of greater strength and compassion, perhaps even of more wisdom.
I forgive him now. I forgive my young self, so lost and lonely, so rebellious and angry.
Sometimes you have to get completely emptied of yourself to realize you need to be filled with something better.