The Trouble with Trust


I don’t think I realized I had such trouble trusting people. I mean, if you’d asked me, I would’ve come back with my usual response, ” Trust has to be earned”, or my other favorite, “Trust, then verify”. Well, those types of responses aren’t very reassuring or positive indicators of my mindset on the subject.

This issue has, as I realize now, been kept at arm’s length by my own arm- and I have chosen to be blind to it . No friends that I hold very close? “Oh, I don’t have time to commit to real friends- that you hang out with, I mean- I have my family.” That may be partially true, but the deeper truth has been that I only let very few and select people get close, and I watch them very closely, too. Why?

Why is a great question. I could tell you that everyone I’ve ever cared about and who was supposed to be there for me has either utterly betrayed me, deserted me, or turned out to not be nearly as great as they pretended to be at first. True, we are all human , all make mistakes. Also true that I believe that living in true forgiveness – as a lifestyle- is the only way to find true peace in life.

There are a few core people who never hurt me enough for me to run from for long. My mother is one. My sisters would be the others.

There are probably others that would be true and honest friends and companions. I have no doubt that my husband is one of them. Knowing this, however, doesn’t mean that I am able to trust him 100%, 100% of the time, with every aspect of my life. It’s not his fault, though. I’m not sure I can do that with anyone. It never leaves my mind that everyone is capable of being an angel or a demon. It never crosses my mind that anyone is above suspicion, except for people I haven’t gotten to know well enough yet. I can keep believing in them until the inevitable facade crumbles. I believe there are some people with incorruptible character, and keep hoping I have found them…but…

I am not sure what the answer is, but I believe it starts with choice. Like love, perhaps trusting is a choice requiring faith, and love.

I pray I find the strength inside to choose to trust more people, more deeply.

Any thoughts?

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6 thoughts on “The Trouble with Trust

  1. Perhaps it is not ‘trust’ as much as ‘temperment’ and you are connecting the two when there’s really little connection?

    I think extroverts consider betrayal ‘the cost of doing business’ as they collect social connections – they feed on these connections and need them to function – they get antsy and restless without them. They can weather betrayals much easier than they can the inability to express their extrovert nature.

    Are you essentially content with your family and your routine, wonder why you don’t socialize more, and falsely conclude you have a problem you attribute to trust when in fact you are perfectly fine and you’re just making a false comparison between yourself and others?

    Maybe you’re just an introvert, which is not a defect, but rather a different way of viewing the world?

    http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/quiet-quiz-are-you-an-introvert/

    (BTW – I have been reading your posts, have comments, but have been so darn busy lately I’m behind…)

  2. LCC- some of the betrayers have been family, but not my daughters. of course. See, I don’t want to live in the past- makes me sounds like a whiner, feeling sorry for myself. Mistrust can cripple present relationships with toxicity and can doom them to ultimate failure if I fail to learn to truly trust the people who love me, and I them. I have both introverted and extroverted traits to my makeup. I won’t be pigeonholed.
    I am glad you’re busy. Good luck with the book!

  3. I have the same problem because of things done to me as a child and as an adult. I’ve had lots of counseling but it never goes away. I try to be cognizant of it and if it’s somebody that I would really like in my life I let them know that it’s something that I can hopefully work through in our relationship.

    • Thank you for the validation and understanding! I appreciate it! As a Facebook post said recently, ” don’t let your insecurities push someone away that God put in your life”. Every now and then those little one- liners really have meaning. So I keep moving forward, always trying to keep the past from over- osmosizing ( just made that word..)

      Lee

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