Glop Monster or Delight?


Here’s a little segment of my blog food experimenting I like to call “Trick or Treat,” or “Glop Monster or Delight”. This morning, I made banana blueberry muffins from Jiffy mix and fresh bananas for everyone else, while I, too dreamed of a warm, filling muffin kind of thing. Instead of using some tried and true recipes that I have, I foolishly decided to ‘wing it’, and made a royal glopmonster of previously unattained gloppiness. Oh, yeah- icky, yucky- bleck. Tossing this ASAP, right into the trash can. What a waste of great ingredients, that are not free, I might add. Oh, I used all the usual suspects, almond flour being my basis. Only this wasn’t almond flour you  buy for 9-$12 at the grocery store. No, I used my new Ninja to ‘flour’ my almonds. This might have worked, but I stopped at larger chunks of almond than I really wanted, out of fear of making almond BUTTER, which is just a few short pulses away from flour . I added Ninja pureed zuchinni, carrot, and strawberry, three eggs, one tablespoon of regular flour, spices, baking soda/powder, etc., etc. I used stevia. Anyway, I baked this concoction in loaf pans, and it looks like chunky meatloaf and has absolutely no appeal whatsoever. I can taste giant chunks of almond, eggs, and too much baking soda. Yuck. Back to the kitchen, where I will whip up a tried and true spinach/strawberry protein ice cream/smoothie sort of thing. 

So, you see, if you don’t mind feeling a bit foolish, and wasting raw materials in the kitchen, you too can experiment and play “Grossness or Goodness” in your kitchen, too., It’s best to attempt these experiments away from the prying eyes of family who will admonish you and warn you to turn back before it’s too late. The important part of this experimentation is to not be swayed by common sense from ‘helpful’ smarty pants around the house. They will tell you silly things like, “That does NOT look promising”, or ask annoying questions like, “What the Hell IS that?”. They might throw out comments like, “Whatever you are cooking smells really weird”, or “Guys, don’t eat that- it’s Lee’s “experiment’ in low -carb…and egg wasting. Hey- do we even have any eggs left for breakfast now or did you waste them all?” 

This kind of help is not really appreciated. Just quietly throw your failures in the disposal or garbage can and hide the evidence of your colossal blunder. I use a paper towel and drape it over the carcass of the dead glop monster, after I toss it in the can,  and say a little goodbye.It’s a personal closure ritual, don’t judge. 

Back to the pursuit of breakfast. I have made some amazing GREAT things due to my willingness to experiment ,but this Yuck Loaf is not one of them. So let that be a lesson to you all. Some people will never experiment- will only stick to written recipes, then follow them to the letter. That bores me. Call me crazy, then.  


3 thoughts on “Glop Monster or Delight?

  1. The protein/strawberry/spinach smoothie/ice cream turned out to be a much better choice for breakfast, with way too much left over- great for later. I am going to do a bit of a workout on the treadmill. I’ve been sick with a cold, but the exercise is actually good to get the congestion out of my lungs. I just need to not go too hard at it. I can enjoy the rest of the smoothie before heading to work for the rest of the day and night.

  2. I had the thought that perhaps you should have kept this stuff and slipped portions into the commenter’s lunch bags along with a passive-aggressive note with a little happy-face at top: ‘hope you enjoy eating it as much as I enjoyed your comments while making it.’

    But that’s just me.

    • Fabulous! Remember that I incorporate truth, exaggeration , hypothetical, and fiction into these stories. This time around, nobody knew about the glop monster but me 🙂


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