Size Four?? Are you KIDDING me!?

OK, as far as I know, I have never fit into a size four pant, ever. Not even when I got down to a stressed-out 118 pounds. I am not sure how this can be possible, that at 124, I am wearing a four. Granted, 4 is snug, so really- five would probably be perfect. Again, I’ve never worn a size five, either. My guess is that, over the years, the sizing guides by designers have been adjusted to feed our egos and make our ever-fattening population feel better about our sizes. Be that as it may, this feels really good!

I remember, a year and a half ago, trying pairs of pants on, and having to finally get a few pairs of size 13. That’s the biggest my arse has ever been. I gain disproportionate to my weight, anyway. I was 142 pounds, needing a size 13. You might think that 140-142 doesn’t sound so bad.  I am only 5′ 4″, with a fairly small frame, and twenty pounds for me is a big deal. Somehow, it all goes to my ass and hips, and upper thighs.

So, here is victory, then. I eat much closer to nature now. I focus on protein, fiber, and vegetables. I don’t fight cravings, and when I do crave, I can find low-carb, satisfying foods to curb that craving. I still miss certain foods, but avoid them if I know I can’t just take A BITE or two.

Down sides? Maybe a couple of minor surprises. Losing weight does not eliminate all body issues. Saggy lower ab skin from being over 40 and having gained and lost weight doesn’t just vanish. Stretch marks may become more pronounced. My always small breasts  shrunk with weight loss and so look like little droops on my chest unless I am cold. Before you say, “Wah, I weight over 200 or 300 or 400 pounds, shut up”, I will tell you – OK, you have a valid point. All I am saying is be prepared for the fact that there are many great feeling moments that come with weight loss, but anything ‘negative’ cosmetically about your body that is not weight related does not magically disappear. I have a smaller butt, but it’s still not dimple-free. I am smaller, but still have areas that need toning. My muscle mass is going down as I age, and I will have to work much harder to maintain a decent shape, and not just become a skinny person with that shapeless older-person’s body. Focusing on health and how I FEEL is more important than how I look. Nobody stays young and cute forever. You can be old and cute, though. 🙂 I have a few more years. I Haven’t even hit peri-menopause yet.

But to tell the truth, none of it can MAKE me happy. I have to be happy wherever I am at, realizing that waiting to be happy ‘when I ”…or “If I’ is a tragic delusion. The best part of weight loss for me has not been how I look, but about fitness, and being able to move. Most of all, it’s been about winning. Being triumphant over one of my most persistent addictions- sugar- feels the most amazing, above all! Finally, will I still be a size four in a year? Five? Will I one day say, “Screw low-carb, I must have Oreos?” I hope not, but who can say? Image

Realize, as you lose weight, that it can’t be your whole life. There’s so much more to do and to be about. Thank you for reading. This is me, above, with my stepdaughter. This was almost two years ago, and I am in a size 10-12 pant here. Image

This is me, with my husband and family a month ago, nearly 20 lbs later, all from low-carb. I have lost fat, and toned muscle. I have some more fitness to go, but are we ever really finished?


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