Yes, I am a porn star in bed


OK, I admit it. I love sex with my husband! I absolutely crave it, adore it AND him, and it is absolutely hot. I am 43 years old, probably nearing the end of my peak. In my early 20’s, and thirties, a whole decade, sex was not my forte`. Yes, I was and still am skilled beyond most mere mortals, (hehehe) but I really couldn’t care. I had children, laundry, a job, etc. I also had a husband who I was not turned on by. Sorry, not his fault, just a reality. Fast forward to a loving, sensual, teasy, sexy husband whose every move gets me going, and it’s a different story now. Also, he’s just so choir-boy innocent on the outside, but hot and naughty on the inside, and that just gets me all fired up!! So, when I hear women who have been married to the same wonderful guy for over ten years yawning about sex, or Victoria’s Secret, or whatever, I just laugh. I will tell you now what I have learned. I am sorry if I offend any of the more restrained and religious types, but just remember this- the marriage bed is undefiled. Just to set the record straight, I have been defiled on more than one occasion, and I am not proud of it, but that was then, and this is now.

1) You don’t need to give your man the third degree about porn. They process this stuff differently than we do. They don’t see a hot woman, and think, “Wow, I wish my wife were that attractive…”, if anything, they wish you were that INTO THEM. That’s right! It’s not the body image, though, to be real, that does count, but it’s MORE in the way the women WANT the guys they are with. Let me just tell you now, that if you’re hard to get and your husband has to practically beg for sex, something in the relationship is probably wrong. THAT is what needs to be addressed. Don’t use withholding of affection as some kind of tool to get him to SEE what the problem is. He won’t . Your man loves you, that’s why he popped the question. When it comes to bedroom time, leave all the problems behind, and lose yourself in him, in his arms, his love. If you can’t, it’s time to come clean and have that talk.

2) Watch it with him! It may be a bit embarrassing, it might even make you squirm. I don’t know about you, but knowing that my husband is getting excited gets ME excited. Maybe it’s just the thing to get you to try something new, something adventurous. You know all those romance novel fantasies you’ve been secretly harboring? (romance novel = lady porn, admit it!) Well, get over the false pride and tell him about it!   Chances are, he will do it. Show him what YOU can do, and he will most likely follow suit.

3) Somehow, ladies, the wild, hot woman he seduced became a prude once the I-do’s were said. But, why? Are you trying to show him that growing up means growing old and then dying, like, right now? Again, the marriage bed is undefiled, and unless you have issues in your relationship, and are trying to use sex as a power tool, this should be the time to let go, and show some passion! You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

4) “He doesn’t care how I feel and never tries to please ME. It’s all about the almighty penis!” OK, I understand this. You have an insensitive clod who doesn’t try to please you. Have you really talked to him? Again, is this just a symptom of other underlying problems? Assuming all other areas in the relationship are ok, and talking has not caused a change, I recommend getting him red hot, then leave him hanging while you show him how YOU like to please YOURSELF while he watches. That will not only drive him wild, but he might even get a lesson. Be BOLD. Show him what you like. Guys are VERY visual.

5) Don’t become a prude and freak out if he even looks at the Adult store sign! Drag him in and be embarrassed- but look at toys. Tell him what you would love for him to do to YOU with one of them. It will be a better night, I assure you!

6) Be 100% real and TELL him your fantasies, no matter how bizarre you think they are. It will probably give him wood.

7) TOUCH. You’re tired? So’s he. You’re not ‘into’ it? Touch him anyway. Intimacy is not just sex, but once you start touching the one you love, let things take their natural course, whether to sleep, or to more.

8) You’re not comfortable with your body? Chances are, after 10+years, neither is your guy. Guys have days THEY feel ‘bloated’ and tired, too!  Maybe he is always ‘comfortable’ with his body- doesn’t matter, guys are usually more confident than we are. Truth be told, unless your man is an ASS, he loves your body, every bit of you. Take advantage of that fact, and be BOLD in bed. Be teasing, be sensual, be hot, and don’t second guess yourself. Don’t worry about your breath, your hair, whether you shaved recently enough. Just forget all of that, and get naughty!

You’re welcome. Class dismissed!

12 thoughts on “Yes, I am a porn star in bed

  1. The other day my son was on YouTube, and knowing I have a crazy love for rock songs, he came across this song and shouted, Mom, I found you’re new favorite song. The song was “Porn Star Dancing” and embarrassingly enough, I love it! He doesn’t even know what a porn star is, thank goodness, but I found it hilarious that he would peg me to love the song. I am having the hardest time making my bedroom life what I want it to be… I guess years of being over weight created a pattern and now breaking it is sooooo hard! Last night I was watching “Gigolos” on Showtime and my hubby said “what’s with you, you’re all about sex these day?” and I said “Why are you complaining, I thought that’s what you were waiting for???”

  2. It’s often true that a great sex life in marriage only happens in the early years, and that’s too bad. It’s also often true that a poor sex life in marriage is a sign of deeper, unresolved issues.

  3. On the other hand, great sex doesn’t make up for a lack of intimacy and honesty in other areas of a marriage- say, the husband is actually imagining being with someone else, for example.

  4. In our early years I was too broken from being so abused as a child, too full of self-loathing for my less than perfect appearance, too sure that he’d leave to fully trust him, so I withheld so much affection. Now I crave it, and just can’t seem to make the connection. I think he is used to being kept at a distance and he doesn’t know what to do with the girl who is suddenly ready to let him in…

  5. I also recognize that there are issues related to a poor or so-so sex life that only a professional can address. Abuse is one of those issues. I can’t address that, by any means. If I felt uncomfortable about my body, I might wear something that left something to the imagination, allowed me to feel comfortable and confident, and just had easy access to the naughty bits.🙂

  6. One last note: It is very frustrating when you’ve tried everything to get your spouse to do more than just rote missionary moves, or whatever other tried and true (for him) moves that get HIM to the promised land but do little for you but give you the equivalent of blue balls (but for her…?) You know what I mean. Left hanging. You just have to get proactive. Shock him. Sometimes guys can be a bit prudish if they feel their manhood threatened. They might feel that way if, for example, they think a toy is working better for you than they can. Let HIM man the toy, so to speak. Not every situation has an easy remedy, but try to be bold and creative. If nothing else, consider therapy, but don’t let resentment and dissatisfaction in sexual matters ruin your marriage.

  7. Just want you to know that I fully support your decision to come out as a heterosexual married woman who is a porn star. You have every right to BE who you really are!

    But seriously, (for a radical change of pace) I think your uninhibited and enthusiastic attitude towards getting as much mutual enjoyment as possible out of your sexual relationship with your husband is great, and keeping things fresh and exciting by pushing boundaries and being creative, is refreshing, Your understanding of male psychology and sexuality is also impressive.

    Excellent advice in a well written and inspiring post, and as a representative of my gender, I say with gratitude thank you for getting your message out there. You may be helping to revive some marriages, and making some couples a lot happier.

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