Just to clear the air, there’s a thing or 20 that annoy me about low-carb living. ONE: I am still at 132, yay me, but my butt is still MY weird, imperfect BUTT and I still miss cake, tortilla chips, YUM, CEREAL! and a bunch of other things, like real ice cream, a REAL sandwich, etc. I am still too afraid to enter the pre-maintenance phase of Atkin’s, because I feel like I am not at goal weight yet, and I am still not getting there. Truth is, though- I have lost and kept off this initial eight pounds. So that is something to be proud of.
A couple of things: One – I am not working out on a regular basis. SORRY.
. My mom says I keep looking thinner. I think that’s just dehydration because I can’t seem to take in enough water now. I have dry skin, dry eyes, and am always parched in the morning. What is happening? I am not getting enough water. Seems hard to do in Atkins.
I MISS real Mexican food, with TORTILLAS. Everyone’s chowing down on chips and salsa before dinner while I drool all over the Casa De Guacamole’s polyurethane table.
Still, I carry on. On, and on, and on. I haven’t cheated. I haven’t given up, I haven’t CAVED, have had NO cheat days, am stringent, Still- 132, not 122. Not even 129. Oh, to see 129- but not skinnier fingers, a skinnier bottom half is what I want!!
I have considered saving all my money and getting an entire body lift. Too bad that only reveals my inner vain and conceited world view, and my real motivation for all this self induced suffering . Maybe I should just have the extra ten pounds on and EAT real FOOD like I used to. (* On the other hand, if I exercised regularly, I might not have an issue with my body. )
But I don’t, I can’t. ONE french fry sends me into a panic- I won’t touch more than a bite a day of something not on the acceptable list. I know every Atkin’s product known to mankind and I am SICK of them ALL. Sick of the fake chocolate, sick of the massive amount of farting, and most of all- sick of people asking me stupid questions. “”What, you can’t even have cake on a special occasion?” “How long are you going to be doing this diet?” “Oh, that’s right. You can’t eat this, can you? MMMMMN,”
HELP! If salad were a food group, I’d be OK. If green beans could smooth the cellulite off my ass, if only Da Vinci sweetened cream cheese and eating eggs when I want an English muffin and JAM would actually take the final ten pounds off, I would be done with this torture, but No. I am not done, I am not moving off this OWL platform ever. But now, it has to start producing more results. I have to do something new, something different, because I also really miss raisin bread, rice pudding, and the occasional baked potato or RICE with my damned third- time- this- week chicken breast.
If exercise were really that much fun, why are we all so fat? I Like Just Dance and walking in the park, even the stair climber, but I also like sleeping, cleaning house, paying the bills, working, driving , driving, stressing out over gas prices, and WORKING!. Did I mention driving? Or how about taking care of my mom each week? She does pretty well without me, but since she doesn’t drive at all, who puts the food into her house? Who takes out her trash and takes her tax form the H&R Block? Who has to feed the cats, dog, fish, plants, and do laundry? Yes, me. Yes, my husband helps a LOT! But, I am just saying, I am BUSY.
You would think all this busy-ness would equate to all my body image dreams coming true by mere low-carb. Well, yes and no.
TODAY I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished, and know that I can do better. But, when is it it ever okay to be OK with me as I am ? Really, isn’t that the true challenge here?
Right now, I accept myself as I am, with all my flaws, and with all my nice qualities, too. I do have them. We all do. I understand that no matter how my body may look, that time will undo even the best of my efforts eventually. If I am healthy, and everything about me is functioning well, that should be enough. Looks fade, muscles soften, even Jack La Lane won’t live forever. There are other things to be concerned with that actually matter- like spending time with my family, pursuing my hobbies, and developing a fitness plan that puts health above looks and appearances. It is great to be toned and strong, not so great to be obsessed over pant size. I can choose to work on it, and know I am doing what I can, or shut-up about it and actually have a life.