Stupid Things and Stuff that just Doesn’t Make Sense

1) People who stand in line for 16 or more minutes to have a two- dollar or less mistake corrected on their grocery receipts. After 31 seconds, I’m personally spending more money by wasting my time in line. Let it go, and remember to pull out your coupons for the cashier next time.

2) Stupid phrases we use that are based on 19th century realities, or earlier. We still use  the horse as the standard of power and speed for our motorized vehicles, and so, ok. But I am tired of hearing “Hold your horses!” Why not, “Hold your Dodge Viper, mister” Or, “Hold your Chevy 2- ton!” ? Then there’s just dumb little phrases, and I am guilty of this one. “You BET, or You Betcha!” We all know what it means- “Yes, indeed!”, but a bet is- by nature- fraught with risk. So, in actuality, I might as well say, “Take your chances!” Then there are those things that it seems like everyone is saying at the moment- those trendy phrases championed most often first by teens and young adults that somehow sound asinine when uttered by anyone over 23. “That shit is dope, yo! ” The same goes for  anything followed up with “Yo”. Trendy phrases I am already very tired of hearing include” ridONKulous”, from Shreck, OMG, either as acronym or actually the entire spoken phrase. “Really. Really…seriously?!..” is getting old.” LOL.”  No comment required. Also, folks, quit teaching your kids that little song and dance,  “Ring around the Rosie, pocket full of posies”. We all know this is a song of warning for the plague in England way back in I -don’t-even-know when. I also have a real problem with the resurrection of trendy phrases that had just been , mercifully retired about a decade ago. I don’t want to hear a single person say “Awesome!”, “Bodacious, Boss, Killer, Gnarly, groovy, or “Dude!”. I will allow ‘cool’, because ‘cool’ is always cool.

3) People who insist on not using the exit in the line, but who instead turn to leave through the entrance when there are other people in the line that the person is forced to squeeze by and bump. Take your lazy-not-wanting-to-walk-another-20-feet ASS to the exit!

4) People who are returning an item to the store, who come to the counter after being in line for a while, but only then decide to dig through every receipt in their purses to find the ONE that is needed. Ditto for people who get to the cashier only to realize that they need to PAY for their items, as though making sure they actually have some form of payment readily available never occurred to them. “Oh, HOW much is it? Oh, hold on. Let me look in my back pocket…( 48 seconds elapse) Hmmn, I wonder where I put my debit card..( dig, dig, search, search, sigh- another minute and 12 seconds pass!).Hey, do you take rebate checks? I got this from Kellogg’s, it’s for $1.47 Ok, wait, I think I am going to have to use my change to pay for this. Is that OK?” Really? Seriously?! OMG, AWESOME (heh-heh-heh!)

Traffic slow-downs for no perceivable reason. You know the scene. Suddenly, everyone for 3 miles is heading toward the bridge entrance at a crawl, but only in the direction YOU are headed in . You look for a fire  truck, for an accident, for anything to provide an answer as to why you’re all going nowhere. You see nothing. But people are lemmings. When you finally get to the head of the line you see a SIGN that says, “men working”, but there ARE NO men working- anywhere, doing ANYTHING! Everyone just slowed down for absolutely no reason, only because of a sign. Beware of perceptions appearing as reality.

5) The annoying awkwardness of trying to create your voicemail greeting in any conceivable original way- then finally just doing what everyone else is doing anyway. “This is me. Sorry I missed your call, leave a message.” Then you realize how dull and sad you sound and try to liven it up and end up sounding instead like a mattress salesman on TV. “HI!! This is Abe! I am so SORRY I missed your call! PLEASE leave a message and I will call you back as SOON as POSSIBLE! “

WOW! Look at ME go!

6) Trendy damn food! It starts on cooking shows. For awhile, everything was all about Mango chutney. Then it was Jicama. Now, the food star is, polenta,  which is a fancy way of saying ‘grits’. But people say ‘Ew!” when you say ‘grits’, so let’s call it polenta. And by all means let’s cover that polenta in PINE NUTS.

More “Stupid things and Stuff that just doesn’t make sense” later!


9 thoughts on “Stupid Things and Stuff that just Doesn’t Make Sense

  1. This is great. Especially the polenta. My wife loves polenta and makes it all the time and I’m afraid to tell that I don’t like it that much. But you tell the truth. Who ever heard of polenta? Food has gotten too creative and too encrusted in pine nuts, panko, and other materials to make digestion more challenging.
    And I just realized that used “lol” on a reply to one of your comments on my blog. Please forgive me. I won’t use any cute Internet slang ever again. I promise 🙂

    • Well, I might like it too, since I do like grits. I just get frustratingly amused (?) at the trendiness of foods in different times. Sushi is the big thing now. Everybody claims to love it. Truth be told, I don’t. I also don’t pretend that I do, just to be ‘in’ with my sushi-loving friends and family. I have tried it, of course- to be fair, but I just couldn’t get into it. Whaddya do?

  2. I have one to contribute about stores – that person with their cart in the center of the aisle, bent over, leisurely studying the label of their can of beans, oblivious to the fact that it is a busy Saturday afternoon and there are a half-dozen people in the aisle patiently waiting for them to make a purchasing decision so that they can get past! I keep thinking an air horn in a situation like this might come in handy.

  3. I agree on trendy phrases for the most part, though every now and then a phrase will be trendy that is also vivid.

    I don’t agree about out-dated figures of speech. Why not “hold your Chevy 2-ton”? Because in a few years there probably wouldn’t be any Chevy 2-tons and the phrase would have to be reinvented. Also it’s too specific by location. Horses are meaningful almost all over the world, while Chevy 2-tons aren’t. Moreover, when such phrases remind us of bygone styles of life, that should be welcomed – not because the bygone styles are superior, but because it’s interesting to remind ourselves of how different life can be.

  4. Number 5 hahahaha! Enjoyed reading this, number 5 though, that nearly had me in tears of laughter!

    • Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it. I am going to have to enter your poetry contest because I am pretty sure I can tear it up. 🙂 Sometimes I read poetry at our blog site and think…’really? Wow.” Not very nice, I know. So, I guess I had better stop talking the talk and walk the walk. 🙂 take care!

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